I am in a process of healing. We all are, I believe, every minute of every day.

So many wonderful things are unfolding before my very eyes. And yet there is self-doubt, fear and worry in my mind.

Like many people, I carry scars from past disappointments in this lifetime. I hear abusive voices from my childhood screaming in my head, telling me that I am useless, worthless and innately BAD.

I have been mentally repeating those words to myself for ages now, and have, over time, come to believe that they are right.

Cruel words that people said, unfair treatment that I have faced, bad decisions that I have made or wrongs that I have done to people, whether innocently or not, keep plaguing me with their existence, even though they occurred in the distant past.

Spiritual development has helped me, to an extent, to release much of the tissue of self-deception that was covering my eyes. But the path of spirit is never-ending. Growth is a process, not a destination.

Success is upon me now and the solidity of its presence in my life rests on whether or not I can release the self-doubts and embrace fully the gifts and opportunities that the universe is laying at my feet.

My soul energy is tied up in the recording of the history of mankind, throughout many lifetimes, and so I have a way of collecting energetic memories and carrying them with me.

This is beneficial in some ways, when writing for instance, but detrimental and painful in many other ways…things stay FRESH in my energy and in my mind, as if they are events that just transpired yesterday, when they are years and years old already.

For this reason, throughout my years of spiritual discipline, I have only ever been able to understand, and therefore release, a negative pattern or negative belief by first excavating it.

I must follow the trail back, like research, to first understand what began the behavior. Only then can I look it in the face and see that, though I have carried it with me, it is separate and not a part of me.

Knowing where and why a thing came into existence allows me to say to it,

“Although you happened TO me, were caused BY me or occurred AROUND me, you are NOT me.”

Then, and only then, is its power over me is released.

But what happens if, like now, you are faced with something that you cannot seem to identify the root of. How then can you move past it and become the new evolved you who lives without that thing, that burden?

For me the answer seems to be: you can’t.

But thanks to someone offering me a more modern analogy, I see that there is a possible solution: Dual-core processing

Okay, here is the theory: I was born as a light-being, a free spirit and an awakened Indigo child. How do I get back to living and acting as my true self? How do I strip away all that has happened to me, and within me, to arrive again at my spirit’s true nature?

If I cannot get to the root of the hurt and release it, then I must have a way of acknowledging that this process is stuck for the time being and yet continue on as the new (true) freer me while that other process is still running.

So hence the dual-core approach….Allow the new me, the true me, to shine through.

That is the one who is innately self-assured, filled with love and hope and light for the planet. Let her run the new (NOW) processes that come my way in life while acknowledging that a portion of the computer (me) has the task of carrying around all of the energetic lessons and ideas of the past. Let that other (SELF) processor search for the truth of pain and struggle and self-doubt while relying on the “new” processor to handle the love and success and self-joy that is coming at me full-force in the now.

The NOW processor is free to make decisions based on who I truly am, without having to check-in to see what the SELF processor thinks based on its limiting, negative knowledge of where I’ve come from and what I’ve been through.

The SELF processor is free to work on releasing the layers of “bad”-ness that have been painted upon me by the outside world while the NOW processor handles the matters that need to be acted upon in the present.

I haven’t yet wrapped my head around the implementation of this approach but I feel instinctively that it is right. I know now that I can work past the things that formed my skewed self-vision and start from a fresh, clean slate toward a true self-vision.

I begin by simply seeing myself as filled with light, innocent like a child and loving, to myself and others, without worry for repayment, betrayal or the opinions of others. Me for me, as I truly am.

Let the ego mind think about things in the past which are unchangeable, the true self mind will simply walk forward in the best way possible with her head held high.

Hopefully this will help some of you on your own path toward enlightenment.

Blessings.

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