I am not perfect.

My ego sometimes has me worrying that all of my readers and subscribers think of the person on the other side of these words as some super-confident, infallible glowing font of wisdom.

This could not be further from the truth.

Try as I might, I do not glide through life on a beautiful moonbeam like Galadriel through the forest. That is an ethereal dream, unattainable on our plane of existence.

I am CERTAIN that you’ve all noticed a considerable drop-off in the number of posts that you find here. I assure you that this is not some conscious or deliberate choice on my part.

It’s a mindset that I fell into.

A few months back I had a rather plentiful spurt of writing, I was “on a roll” as they say (though why you’d want to be sitting on a bulkie or a cinnamon bun is beyond me.)

It seemed like everything that I wrote during that phase was golden, ready for the presses of Random House.

But it really was just a phase. If we could all perform to optimum levels at all times then the spirituality racket and the self-help industry would not exist right? Enough said.

Around the same time I began developing relationships with other talented spiritual bloggers. We became fast friends.

This was great at first, “hello…my name is ___ and I am a spiritual blogger.” Cool. There are other people on similar wavelengths to me.

But then an odd thing happened…we began to listen to each others opinions. *shock* *horror*

Before I knew it I wasn’t writing just to write anymore, as a good client recently explained to me, I was writing TO the audience, or at least to my perception of the audience.

Hmmmm…when I was writing just to write, the audience seemed more interested.

That was before I opened comments, before other bloggers feedback, before I started looking at which posts were most popular. Before my creative outlet began being treated like a full-on business.

Now, you may be thinking “I don’t blog. How does this apply to me?”

Simple.

How many times have you started out on a new journey and loved it? Plenty right?

Now…how many times have you bent that journey to accommodate the ideas and perceptions of others? Plenty right?

It doesn’t matter why we do it. Whether it is ego, or generosity or a misconception about our situation….

Once we become conscious of “the other” inside or outside of ourself, our journey suffers.

As I was recently redesigning the website I got stuck in code mode and it has been difficult to get back into writing mode ever since.

But I think my perfectionism, my needing to reach the high-bar that was set during my Golden Writing phase a few months ago, is the real reason I’ve been on pause.

It is lovely that other bloggers, other humans, have a high enough opinion of us to want to help us develop.

But for some of us it is this very tenderness to other peoples opinions that makes us blog. If we weren’t concerned about other peoples opinions wouldn’t we be out sending our writing to publishers or sitting in a spa/clinic somewhere doing face-to-face spiritual work?

Blogs are for testing the waters. Blogs are meant to be a personal outlet like any other journal.

Life is meant to be a personal outlet as well. Each approaching it differently.

When we acknowledge the other, instead of seeing that all are one, the unity in our vision becomes clouded, we lose sight of the fact that all we do, we do in essence just for ourself.

I am not perfect. Yes I am a medium, yes I am a lightworker. But I still wake up cranky some mornings. I still have little gaffaws in life where I say the wrong thing, get angry too easily, ignore my intuition and do something that isn’t right or get run-over by my use of poor phrasing.

Being spiritually inclined, or enlightened, or however you view yourself, causes you and others to hold you to a higher set of standards.

But as my High Priestess once said, “there are no perfect outcomes in life, only perfect intentions.” In other words, analyze your motives. If your motives are of good intent, then the outcome simply is what it is.

Not all of my decisions in life, and thus not all of my posts, will be “tight” or “groundbreaking” or “extensive.” I am learning to understand that.

Not all of what I write here will have relevance or in any other way “speak to” every reader, whether they be a fellow blogger or a mere mortal.

I don’t always know what words will come out of my mouth (ie, the keyboard) but I do know that if every lightworker, every blogger or for that matter every person in this world was meant to express themselves, grow, develop or do business in the same way then all theories about the Universal All are utterly false and I should just shut up now.

But they are not.

We are not.

If you find yourself stifled. On any path. Writing, Weight Loss, Meditating, Money Making etc… Ask yourself what roadblocks to achievement you have built.

Are you trying to make everything you do fit into some narrow box of what is right or perfect?

I am constantly working on myself. Sometimes it is not pretty.

If I don’t write about my experiences because they don’t seem to always inspire literary perfection then I am short-changing myself and my readers.

If you are following a path of self-analysis and a path of connection, you cannot just stop somewhere along the way and call it quits simply because you don’t walk on water.

I am a lightworker. I am writer. I am overweight. I have a masters degree. I have a sharp tongue. I love teddy bears. I hate noisy people. I have big debts. I channel spirits. I cannot walk past a cheesecake and I am totally afraid of bugs.

Check it out, I can write and NOT be perfect.

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