The experience of Father’s Day just this past weekend brought home for me a point that I have had to learn over and over again throughout the past few years on my spiritual journey.

I was scheduled to go to a cookout with a couple of friends and had even bought tickets to the event (as it was a fundraiser.)

The night before the cookout I went to help my best friend with her kids as she was feeling under-the-weather. I went over and put her dishes in the dishwasher, fed her kids, got them in their jammies and saw them safely off to bed while she rested on the couch.

This put the evening distinctly past my usual early bed time. But I still intended to go to the cookout the next day and was looking forward to it.

When the next morning rolled around I overslept. Hey I’m not a Mom and right now I haven’t got the stamina for it I guess. So, this cookout day being the day before Father’s Day, I didn’t get to run the errands (ie. gift buying) that I had intended to do before the cookout.

I got out of bed, none too happy about waking up late, and began stressing about whether I should go to the cookout or go and run my errands.

Heart said go to the cookout, guilty brain said go buy the gifts.

So I called and let folks know that I wouldn’t be at the cookout, which hurt because I wanted to be at the cookout.

That day was supposed to be MY day and I take so few of those anymore. It may not seem it since I don’t have new posts every day, but I am working all the time now. This starting your own business thing is no cake-walk, I can tell you that for free.

I bust my butt with things that relate to this blog all day every day, whether its redesigns, readings, writing, networking, research or advertising….this blog has become my LIFE.

I am completely willing to put in the effort to make this a great blog and a successful venture, but every once in a while I must FORCE myself to just screw off and do unrelated, brain free stuff.

So I became supremely bummed-out that I had to skip the cookout.

I forced myself to go to the bank and then to head into the city (my least favorite thing of all) in order to go Father’s Day gift shopping.

It is always so much hotter and noisier in the city. When I got there I was faced with the “what do I buy them” dilemma. And then, once I realized that the perfect gifts for each of them resided at stores on two opposite sides of the city, I was faced with the “Oh my God, this is going to take all day” dilemma.

The traffic was overwhelming, every street and every store overcrowded with the overpopulated masses all trying to buy Dad the ultimate piece of future landfill junk. All to show that you care, that you think of them and that you are generous.

While seething behind the steering wheel and nursing a growing headache it hit me: Would either my father or my step-father want me to give up my happiness in order to buy them some stuff they don’t need? Do they think that if I spend my money on junk it means that I love them more? And do either of them think that if all I give them for Father’s Day is a hug and some brownies it means that I love them less?

No.

This is all a farce. Caring is not measured by how big the bag from Sears is.

People remember when you DO caring things. Not when you BUY things. Objects are lost, broken, go out of style or just get forgotten. Actions create good feeling, create good memories. That is eternal and priceless.

I said, okay I have spent about $5 on each of them and although the gifts were really just token (ie. stocking-stuffers) it still showed that I thought of them.

That other four hours that I was gonna spend driving in the madness and lining up to buy the garbage?

I took it and spent it on myself, went to a restaurant and then went home to read a good book.

On Father’s Day I cooked my Dad dinner and didn’t even have to worry if any wrapping paper matched the envelope on the card.

Does caring equal spending? Yes it does, but only spending time, not money.

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